Update on my Dad

My dad has been in the hospital with pneumonia. He’s still in intensive care.

He was weaned off the vent and doing pretty well but he had to be put back on today. I thought he would be out of there by now but once again he’s teetering between getting well and losing his battle. Because of the sedation he can’t communicate well when he is on the vent.

When he can communicate, he wishes all to be done to prolong his life, so that’s what must be done, but doing that may lead to heart and kidney problems. At this point I just don’t know…..if he starts having heart problems or more kidney problems he wants intervention. So now what? It seems like going in circles if he needs a vent to breathe.

Last night he was in good spirits, joking and being a wise guy. It was good to see some of that come back. He’s a stubborn old guy who wants things his way and will try to manipulate you to get what he wants. Oh yeah, I’ve been on the receiving end many times……he guilts me into doing things.

My dad is 87 years old. In 1944, he served in WWII as a yeoman under Captain Rickover in Okinawa, Japan


Having gone through years of dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s on my mom, this situation with my dad brings back a flood of feelings. I do feel like I have a little more support this time with my younger step brothers so decision making will be handled as a group. I’m the oldest and it feels like tons of weight on my shoulders. He does not have a living will or POA because he didn’t ever want to talk about it. Stubborn!

Today I’ll meet with the doctors and social workers to talk about palliative care and tracheostomy.

This is a tough situation. Caring for aging parents puts a lot of stress on the caregiver. I’m not trying to make this about me, I’m just trying to do what I can with God’s help. I call on Him for strength and clarity of mind to make the right decisions.

I’ve written many posts about caring for our aging parents, my mom and dad both. Some are hard for me to read.

If you or your parents don’t have living wills, wills or POA, I urge you to do so. It helps the family fulfill your wishes and makes it a little easier on them.



Thanks for visiting! Debra


  1. i can certainly relate debra…and i remember your posts about your mama. this must be a very difficult time for you.

    my mom is 92 and in assisted living, thank god she is in wonderful shape. she broke her arm in 2 places last january and finally had to have surgery but pulled through like a trooper. but i am her caregiver and know the toll in can take on a person.

    i’m also a paralegal so i made sure she had all the necessary documents many years ago.

    i will pray for your dad and strength and wisdom for you as you travel down this path.

    • Thank God your mama has her wits about her, She sounds like a real trooper for sure. Being a caregiver is hard so remember to take care of yourself too. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. Lisa~A Cottage To Me says:

    Going thru some of this stuff right now with my FIL. My hubby is an only child so it is totally left to him, and myself, to talk about these things. Luckily my FIL has made it a bit easier by handling the legal type papers already with his lawyers. So when something does happen we know his wishes. Hope things can be a little easier for you with the help of your step brothers. Best Wishes!

  3. Thank for the kind words. I hope all is well with your FIL. Every one should prepare for times like these even though it’s difficult.

  4. Oh Debra~ I so understand. My own father had Parkinsons and it was a horrible disease to watch overtake his once strong healthy body. He was only in his early 70’s when he passed. My mother had Alzheimers and lived with us for a few years until I could not do it anymore. I was guilted into having her live with us in the first place and it was a horrible time in my life.
    You probably don’t know but my hubby is a chaplain at a local hospital and is in charge of the POA and Living wills. He is called out all hours of the day and night to take care of something that should have been done before it became an emergency situation.

    Your dad is probably afraid of dying and the “unknown” and doesn’t want to give up the life he knows. God bless you- I SOOO understand. xo Diana

    • I didn’t know your mother had Alzheimer’s also. It’s a terrible disease and so hard to be a caregiver to a loved one with dementia.

      God bless your husband for doing such good works when people are truly in need.

      Thank you Diana for your words and understanding.

  5. Cyndia Montgomery says:

    I’m sorry your dad is doing so poorly. Hope there is some relief soon.
    How frustrating it must be to have this decision on your shoulders if he can’t make it for himself. I was very lucky with my mother-in-law; she was very practical and had her wishes legally known before her dementia progressed. When it was obvious she wouldn’t live, we were able to take her home and let her die in her own bed, where she was most comfortable. I’m encouraging my own mother to make these decisions now. It’s easier for everyone, especially when siblings don’t agree.
    Wishing you the best.

    • Yes, this situation is very frustrating and it’s a roller coaster ride.
      We all need to face our mortality and communicate to others what are wishes are. Thanks so much for your kind words.

  6. I am so sorry Debra. I can relate to so many of your issue’s! I will be praying for you and your family that God will give you the strength, guidance, wisdom and peace that you need to make the best decisions for your Father and Family. Please take care of yourself too!

  7. I am so sorry…

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